I love bill paying day! Does that sound odd? I love paying the full amount of the bill that come in the mail. I love that I can pay the bill on time and not worry about a his anger. I feel like an adult more and more each day. I have a grown up apartment, decorated and all. I admit that it's tiny, a whopping 348 sq. feet but I love it. Maybe it's because it's old, unique and well laid out. It could also be because it's a vast improvement from my previous place.
Since the days are getting shorted and the sun goes down around supper time I've had to start walking my dog in the dark. Normally I chose a time I feel he won't be out and feel safe but today was different. I thought I saw him this evening while walking my dog. I thought my fear reaction was to run but I froze. This concerns me, I don't want to freeze and have a confrontation. I want to flee, even if it makes him feel like he's won. I don't care who "wins" I just want him out of my life.
I almost miss how I felt a month ago, sad, lonely but productive. Now, I get home, eat, walk my dog and do nothing. Granted I was sick the last week but I haven't been consistent at my usual activities. Well this is a sign of depression, I know I have depression so does it mean that it's worsened? My counselor told me not to worry about being sad unless I can't get out of bed and go to work for a month.
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