Remembrance Day

Remembrance day is fast approaching and my paternal grandfather is weighing heavily on my heart. He fought in WWII at a young age (probably 17-20 years old). He waited over a decade after his discharge before he married my grandmother. What was he going through? Did he suffer from shell shock? I suspect he did. His wife died less than 12 years later leaving him with 5 children to care for. My father recalls sitting in the bed of his dad's pick up waiting for him to come out of the bar. He drank though I'm not sure when that started. He worn down his body and died years later of sinus cancer. This series of events formed my existence. For years I blamed the war for my families dysfunction.

Recently I started thinking about how tragic my grandfather's life was but how I shouldn't blame the was but instead focus on the gratitude for the sacrifice he (and probably his older brothers). I've always been a proud Canadian and how grateful I am for others who have served but why wasn't I focused on that same sense of gratitude for my own family? I suspect the reason was blame, needing to blame the brokenness.

My family is big in actuality but I only communicate with a select few. I don't know my fathers side of the family because they lived the next province over and given the relationship, or lack there of, with my father I didn't get the chance to meet my grandfathers brothers and sisters despite the fact they died less than 10 years ago. My mother's side is a different story. She doesn't speak to them because of how her mother treated her. This all may be the reason I'm slightly addicted to ancestry.ca. I have a deep desire to know my family and where I've come from.

Instead of blaming my lacking on other sources I really think I need to focus on gratitude. I'm grateful that I have a family because there are a lot of orphans in the world. I'm grateful that I have a family legacy of sacrifice in the persuit of maintaining freedom and  defending the country I have so much.