No Place Like Home for The Holidays

I planned to spend Christmas with my family in the prairies. I started to feel my anxiety levels rising in the days leading up to my flight. Around this time my younger sister started texting me about issues she was having with my Mum. I took this as "she's finally emotionally available". I was so very wrong. She was manipulating me and because I'd spent the last 4 years being manipulated by him and haven't started my counseling to deal with this reasons why, I never noticed it.

To sum up two 48 hours leading up to my flight, implosion, drama and a lot of tears. My older sister played peace maker and I talked my Mum down off the cliff. She suffers from PTSD and when she gets too stressed thoughts of suicide come creeping in. 

Flight day came, my anxiety levels started to drop and my dog and I landed safely in the chilly prairies. The major disappointment of my trip was my younger sister left the day before I arrived and never came back. I didn't get to visit with her and even worse, I never met my new niece. 

I wanted to take some family photos and  replace my wedding photos. This didn't happen. I also spent my visit divided between my Mum's house and my older sisters house. It was like they had joint custody of me. I will say that spending time with family was great and I didn't want to leave. I was afraid to feel lonely again, that my depression would worsen. I was lonely when I got home and it took a week to adjust. 

Christmas shattered my sense of security that I had because my family, while small, was close. This led me to gain the courage to reach out to my paternal uncle. I've realized that the only people you can really depend on are family member. This isn't an absolute but I chose to believe that no matter how long you go without talking to family, they still love you and want to hear from you.