Sunshine On My Pillow (Face Actually) Makes Me Happy

Yesterday was a beautiful sunny day outside and considering we get so few of those on the coast during the winter I took full advantage and spent some time enjoy this gorgeous city. My dog and I walked around my neighbourhood for just over two hours. It was lovely, we I grabbed a chai tea latte and a gluten free butter tart and enjoyed both while sitting on the shore watching the little tug boat taxis. As I sat there enjoying the sunshine I felt like I was starting my new life, that this was my new self and the dark clouds were lifted. That I wasn't too far gone, too broken but well on the path to being healed. 

On my walk back home a noticed a police car behind a neighbouring building and saw a police officer carrying something out and handing it to a girl who then loaded into what I can only assume was her vehicle. It took less than a second to realize what was going on. She was fleeing a man and had police onsite for a short time for her to collect her things. I wanted to run up to the girl and hug her and tell her she would be ok; that not only would she survive this ordeal but find happiness again. I, of course, didn't because I'm sure she's stressed out enough that she doesn't need any distractions.

Today was another beautiful sunny day so while on my lunch break I took my dog for a slightly longer walk than usual. I felt the desire to walk by my old apartment so I did. I'm 99% certain he no longer lives there but I walked by not feeling panic or fear creeping in. Granted I'm not actively trying to run into him but rather remove the fear of running into him in my own neighbourhood. I want this fear to dissipate even more so I can run without worry. Running used to be very therapeutic but became a trigger for my panic attack so I stopped. Now I feel the desire to be physically healthy and strong again. I'm watching what I'm eating and starting to loose the 10 or so pounds I gained since I left him. 

It's been over six months since my escape and yesterday I thought about dating again. I've made a promise to myself that I won't actively (or inactively) seek to date until my divorce papers have been filed. This time frame also allows for healing time and time to work with a counselor. Speaking of counselling, I managed to get an appointment with a female counselor at my church! I start seeing her February 21st. Fingers crossed it's good fit! I don't want to be guilt-ed about divorce and pressured to reconcile. Which is something I felt from a girlfriend of mine in the past however yesterday I had her over for some tea and she never mentioned reconciling or even hinted at it. She seems to have realized that it would be insane and incredibly dangerous to get back together. She asked about a few things and I told her about the abuse my dog had to suffer and I could see a difference in her eyes, one of sadness instead of one of one of an ulterior motive. 

It's coming together people!