Tuesday 23 August 2016

My 31st Birthday

I celebrated my 31st birthday this past weekend. I didn't want to make a big deal of this birthday but it turned out pretty perfect actually. I woke up early (not intentionally) and went for a hike with my dog. I then met up with a gal pal of mine for brunch. 

As we ate we talked about the healing process we've both been on for the past year (her's very different than mine). Then we got to talking about dating again. She's been married for 6 years and obviously can't really help me with the dating scene. We can't understand dating these days, I mean what does "Netflix and Chill" really mean? It could range from actually watching Netflix to come over and have sex. I've never had a long term / committed relationship that didn't result in sex. Things will be different going forward. Something to look forward to in the coming months.

I have been struggling with my weight and over-eating. I've since lost my appetite for the most part. I think I was eating out of boredom and loneliness but now that I'm trying to be more social and connect with friends, it seems to be resolving itself. My concern is, is this because I'm talking to my male friend? Am I using him? I would say no because we've both been clear that we can only be friends at this time but I know that he's hoping it might turn into more when our divorces are finalized. I don't think things will go there though. He's 10 years older than me and I'm not really attracted to him in that way. Frankly, I shouldn't even be worrying about this as my heart isn't free. The thing is, he texts and calls me as often as a boyfriend would. I know I need to tell him to back off a bit. I remind him almost every other day that we're just friends and that's all we can be at this time in my life. He agrees but his action don't line up with it. I've seen "When Harry Met Sally" enough times to realize it's next to impossible for men and woman to be just friends especially when the man has (or has had) romantic feelings for the woman. 

I will say I have a slight crush on a guy that I deal with at work, even though he lives in a different city (just across the bay). He grew up 30 minutes from me, he's only 2 years older (as opposed to my (soon to be) ex-husband who was 6.5 years older) and we genuinely can chat for a long time without awkwardness. Its far fetched to think anything will come of it but it's kind of nice to feel this way; to feel something besides fear about a man. I obviously wouldn't act on these feelings until after my divorce finalizes and even then, I'll probably be to shy to do anything. Do I even remember how to flirt?! 

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